I haven't been right in the head for years...

Sometimes, it's better to live a pipe dream, than have everything come crashing down around you, mentally. Going down the road of good intentions, a friend of mine and I hit one helluva bump.

In a conversation, he gave me the ingredients to know exactly how and why I was mentally affected from combat in Iraq, and how John McCain wasn't - after being a POW in Vietnam. My friend also gave me the ingredients (without even knowing it), about how I discovered Draconity, as well as giving me a way to determine an event-based time line about how my brain haywired in Iraq.

This kind of stuff I've been wanting to know for years, and while both of us got a lot out of the conversation, I'm pretty much floored today. An identity that was six years in the making all of a sudden means a lot less, knowing the science behind how I got to where I am, as well as the realization that my symptoms didn't 'start getting worse' after Iraq, recruiting command, culminating in two suicide attempts, then later complete episodes of disassociation near Fort Riley, KS. No. My symptoms have actually been getting better all this time.

The difference is that my definition of at-risk behaviors got completely turned upside-down. What I, and others thought of as 'progress' and 'coping' was living a pipe-dream, avoidance, and keeping myself mentally and emotionally numb. How fickle the definition of 'progress' can be...

So, it was a very good thing that happened. But, I don't think I'll be good for much the next few days. Its a lot to take in at once, and I'm just going to let things sort themselves out.

:(

Updates on 'Pro-AWOL Movement' and friends...

Updates on everything: Bellingham made regional news about holding the meeting to make it a safe haven for deserters. The meeting was filmed and will be aired on local TV in sections starting on Thursday. They will also hold more public meetings on the subject (as in, the council is either seriously considering it, or they figure it's a great way to get famous).

As far as my own updates - I went through my friends list and noted that barely half of the folks I follow are mutual friends any longer (back in the day I followed about 150 folks and had 120+ of them following me, today's case is following 140 folks and having 80+ following me). Not sure if its a blessing or a curse, that not a word was said as I was quietly tuned out of folk's lives.

I may drop a number of those folks from my f-list as I find them, those who I recall used to be mutual friends - I don't have the time to follow everyone anyway, or fret about why folks are giving me a cold shoulder if no reasons are given. If you're a mutual friend, have no fear.