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The End of Time
Jun. 25th, 2006 10:31 amWhile answering phone calls and emails, it became apparent to me (as well as a friend I've known since before I went to Iraq), that I was deeply affected by what I did there, as well as what happened to me. I had no idea until she casually brought it up in our converstation that the last three years of my life I've been living in a mania.
Quite literally. The medication I'm on slows me down a bit, and this weekend was the first time in years that I slept for more than six hours, two days in a row, without getting hammered. I'm quite amazed. I'm also much calmer than I was. The message I'm getting from my supervisors is to wait until I've seen the doc to determine if I'm still capable of serving. The doc refuses to explore the possibilities that I have PTSD (which, at least to all the back-seat doctors I know, is a given that I have it), but it is not in the Army's interest that I have PTSD. For one, the Army would have to admit that there is a problem with their reintegration training (which there is - it isn't happening), and two, they'd be responsible for a lot of medication or other forms of treatment for the rest of my life.
In an effort to slow down, I am now reducing my involvement in many, many activities - so that I can either sit down and play Adventure Crack (tm), drink beer, eat pizza, and just enjoy what life I have. 24 years have gone by awfully quick, and being on the mental fast-track towards manic depression (I'm not there yet - but I'm at least six years ahead of schedule). Cyclothymia, what I am diagnosed with, doesn't normally occur in adults until the age of 30.
All that I am working on from now on:
US Army (until they kick me out)
Music (Wolf - The Animated Feature, collab w/ Jef Peace)
Keeping in touch with people... and that's it.
The Paradice Roleplaying System: Finish writing the rules, and disseminate to the content providers and consult as necessary.
Also, I extend my feelings out to one of the younger users of Paradice Net, who is going through a rough time. Hopefully, in her mind, she will walk away from extremes and take a more moderate approach to her situation.
Quite literally. The medication I'm on slows me down a bit, and this weekend was the first time in years that I slept for more than six hours, two days in a row, without getting hammered. I'm quite amazed. I'm also much calmer than I was. The message I'm getting from my supervisors is to wait until I've seen the doc to determine if I'm still capable of serving. The doc refuses to explore the possibilities that I have PTSD (which, at least to all the back-seat doctors I know, is a given that I have it), but it is not in the Army's interest that I have PTSD. For one, the Army would have to admit that there is a problem with their reintegration training (which there is - it isn't happening), and two, they'd be responsible for a lot of medication or other forms of treatment for the rest of my life.
In an effort to slow down, I am now reducing my involvement in many, many activities - so that I can either sit down and play Adventure Crack (tm), drink beer, eat pizza, and just enjoy what life I have. 24 years have gone by awfully quick, and being on the mental fast-track towards manic depression (I'm not there yet - but I'm at least six years ahead of schedule). Cyclothymia, what I am diagnosed with, doesn't normally occur in adults until the age of 30.
All that I am working on from now on:
US Army (until they kick me out)
Music (Wolf - The Animated Feature, collab w/ Jef Peace)
Keeping in touch with people... and that's it.
The Paradice Roleplaying System: Finish writing the rules, and disseminate to the content providers and consult as necessary.
Also, I extend my feelings out to one of the younger users of Paradice Net, who is going through a rough time. Hopefully, in her mind, she will walk away from extremes and take a more moderate approach to her situation.
