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baphnediaMore like, inspired by Hunter Gryphon in concert with my current condition...
I'm realizing that I exist in a low-stress prison, because I can no longer accept higher amounts of stress. This has permeated my social habits for better and for worse. I don't deal with as many people as well as I used to, but those who I still do, I seem to have a closer connection. Relationships are an all-out 'no'. I've tried a few times and even just going on a date or two is more than I can handle (not counting the fact that my equipment doesn't work like that anymore anyway).
When friends want to test me, and say 'my life is so miserable and you're so horrible for not sharing in my misery with me', I'm happy to let that friendship go away. I have plenty of misery of my own for quite a few people, medical, psychological and jobless aspects of it notwithstanding. It's kinda sad, but I have this nagging feeling that at some point, I will have to go out and make more friends before I wind up alone and lonely.
Thankfully, the time in living in my own personal hell is long past. Right now, I'd prefer to be enigmatic and focused on the tasks ahead of me. Sadly, focusing on everything in front of me prevents me from focusing, because as soon as I sequester myself on one thing, everything else is left wanting.
I'm realizing that I exist in a low-stress prison, because I can no longer accept higher amounts of stress. This has permeated my social habits for better and for worse. I don't deal with as many people as well as I used to, but those who I still do, I seem to have a closer connection. Relationships are an all-out 'no'. I've tried a few times and even just going on a date or two is more than I can handle (not counting the fact that my equipment doesn't work like that anymore anyway).
When friends want to test me, and say 'my life is so miserable and you're so horrible for not sharing in my misery with me', I'm happy to let that friendship go away. I have plenty of misery of my own for quite a few people, medical, psychological and jobless aspects of it notwithstanding. It's kinda sad, but I have this nagging feeling that at some point, I will have to go out and make more friends before I wind up alone and lonely.
Thankfully, the time in living in my own personal hell is long past. Right now, I'd prefer to be enigmatic and focused on the tasks ahead of me. Sadly, focusing on everything in front of me prevents me from focusing, because as soon as I sequester myself on one thing, everything else is left wanting.
